Best inventions ever

I've said it before and I'll say it again. The two single best inventions ever are "food" and "sleep".

It all started with food being invented sometime in the year 1 million BC when a caveman thought to himself "Maybe if I put something in my mouth and chew on it, my stomach won't hurt so much." Well, it worked. Soon came ideas such as:
- Killing your food before you eat it.
- Cooking your food before you eat it.
- Killing your food before you cook it.
- A&W hamburgers
Since then food has evolved into the greatest invention of all time. If you don't believe me then how about you don't eat for a few days then tell me how great food is.

Sleep was invented some time in the 14th Century in France. Someone came up with the crazy idea of "I wonder if we closed our eyes for hours at a time we wouldn't be so goddamn tired all the time." Of course it was France so it probably sounded like "le time" or something. Soon came beds and blankets, and eventually those little trays you can have bed and breakfast with. The great thing about these two inventions is that if you're hungry and there's no food around, just go to sleep for a couple hours. When you wake up the chances are somebody has either done groceries or cooked a meal in your house.

Cannibalism and bedbugs both originated in Australia. Fuck them.