Matricidal Tendencies

Warning: Long rant post containing small amounts of "the funny".

I'm starting to think the only reason I hate going to school is because I have to hear my mom wake me up for it. If I lived on my own or possibly with some kind of robot maid to wake me up I would probably jump out of bed every day happy to learn something new and expand my intellect or whatever they tell you school does. You're probably thinking I'm exaggerating. Let me explain how my mom goes about waking me up.
6:30am every day. She opens the door to my room which in itself is loud enough to just wake me up. The following sentence is the one main dreaded point if my morning: "Jake wake up- HELLO!?!?". Everything starts off normal... a nice friendly message telling me to get up. Followed immediately by screaming "HELLLOOOO!?!??!??" as if a) I didn't hear her in the first place b) I need to respond right away c) I've been ignoring her for twenty minutes already. I should mention that the "hello" is said at volume levels which are about equal to a 747 jet flying directly into one ear, through your brain and out the other.
Total time elapsed: 3 seconds. As soon as I turn my head to investigate the source of stupidity, I'm blinded as she turns the lights on in sync with my eyes opening. Every morning I scream at her not to do that and wake me up in a more comfortable and polite manner, such as dropping an anvil on my head or setting my blanket on fire. She takes my blanket off me and throws it on the floor forcing me to seek out other sources of heat. I stumble blindly and hazily to the shower where she will proceed to yell at me through a closed door that she has to get in there and brush her teeth. Not once has she ever brushed her teeth before waking me up, even though she is practically late every single day because of this.

Anyone willing to trade moms can reach me at 1-800-4-GAY-MOM and leaving a brief message listing your name, age and why in the hell you would want to do this to yourself.